Driving, Desi Style!!

Honk....Honk....keenk....keenk....(and all the hilarious sounds you could think of)

That’s all what I hear behind my ass on my way to the workplace and back from it. I’ve lived in two major cities in India for now to assume that all other cities are no different and very much the same. Must I add that to me they are exactly the same!!

As a kid I always wanted to get behind the wheels as soon as I could. Bur today I regret to think that I had thought my dad was having fun on the wheels when he drove us for shopping, school, parks and more shopping!!

I really don’t how in the world the whole population in India has a licence and their own vehicle. Maybe India is rich....in its poor own way. Where on earth most of the population does have a vehicle and also pays relatively more for fuel!! Sometimes makes me wonder if everyone has a licence then why the hell is there an RTO for? A better idea would be for our so called elected leaders push for a notion towards ‘freedom to drive’ (and crash!!) bill in the parliament. That should top my worst nightmare, just above to the one which says, going to a ‘nothing to do with’ wedding ceremony!!

My mom has a licence and it’s in the drawer her sari gallery unlocked and more importantly....unseen for as long as a decade now. My brother has got one but doesn’t use it ever....as in forever and still better as in never!!

I mean, why everyone has a licence when it is so easy to get one!! It’s a piece of cake these days!! I don’t see the need for an RTO when I have a friend who’s been driving without a licence for 8yrs now. I see 14 year old chaps on ‘aam-ordinary’ bikes or the below 125cc ones whizz past me in traffic just like that with no indication of a turn, u-turn, braking or whatsoever. Which idiot gave these idiots a learner’s licence in the first place?

Come Sunday and I’m always late when I reach somewhere. This day is one when you can bump into people with utter disrespect for ‘Don’t drink and drive’ notion. Not men specifically. Friends for partying and families on a weekend fun turns out to be just another day stuck in traffic. In fact I’ve noted during my time in Chennai, that for me, the time spent in traffic to and fro from a destination is more than the time spent at the destination. Everyone’s in a hurry and everyone becomes a dirt racer. It’s all over the roads and all over the platform. No stopping at signals and no respect for the zebra lines. I assume to be deaf to that fellow behind me who’s been honking his illegally loud horn at me from 10 seconds before the lights turn green. At first I thought there are just two sets of drivers, possibly classified as the patient, good ones and the rash, bad ones. Then I discovered that there is no such thing. There is only the idiots and still more idiots.

What’s more are the times of emergencies. A cyclist can reach a destination more quickly than an ambulance in the chaos of peak traffic, the condition of the roads, one way roads and more importantly the idiots plying along with you. The traffic doesn’t move an inch for the loudest of ambulances in the city. What’s funnier is how people chase an ambulance when it clears traffic and moves through it.

So as I start on my ride each day I pray hard not to come across such an idiot with an exceptionally awesome skill in driving or rather ‘kills’ in driving. Yeah, kills is an anagram for skill. For almost all my life I have lived abroad and Dubai was my last stop. We had recently moved into this place and my dad didn’t have a licence to drive. The way the license is issued here is out of this world. Initially you get an eye test done and only then you get to apply further. First step is the written exam with 35 questions out of which you have to score 12 right ones to proceed further. If you clear that one then get ready for the road test. If you fail then you have to get 7 training classes at the school before another test. The total test costs around 400 AED (approx. 4800 INR). My dad tried and failed miserably three times and finally got it in the fourth time. It was a relief for us that we could finally go places and it got me thinking. How in the world could a system be so tough that my dad, who has been on the wheels ever since I was born, failed the tests three times!!....Here’s how!

Turn without indication-FAIL!!

Turn without watching the side mirrors-FAIL!!

Cross out of your lane line during a turn-FAIL!!

Cross the line and onto the pedestrian crossing-FAIL

Honk the horn without reason-FAIL!!

Can’t see the wheels of the car in front at a signal stop-FAIL!!

Zero tolerance against drunk driving is a feather in the hat. The best thing I came across was this. You change your lanes and if the guy on the other lane gives you way to get in front of him, you thank him by waving at him on the rear mirror and it’s not a surprising that he too waves back saying welcome. No honks and no mad barks behind backs. That’s driving ethics. I can’t imagine traffic here without honks and endless abusing for jumping lanes effortlessly.

And the best is yet to come. No fancy number plates where all the damn numbers looks the damn same. Engraved on a metal plate and registered by the RTA itself. You run a red light and the next moment your mobile phone get a text saying that an amount has been charged for breaking a rule. Break the rules certain times in a year and your license gets revoked. That’s how quick justice is served.

If India had all these implemented with immediate effect then the roads would have fewer idiots on the wheels. But I can’t blame the government on this. People need to change and think. Just because you own a Honda Civic does not give you the right to drive over the speed limit in a speed limit zone. Be a Tata Nano or an Audi Q7, a rule is a rule made for everyone. It is us who need to think and act intellectually. We think this is India and we are not obliged to follow the rules here and degrade our own status of being Indian. By doing so I think we ought to be ashamed at ourselves. A citizen is one who not only has rights, but also has duties to be fulfilled. Finally at the end of the day I realise that no matter how much I try to be an ethical driver on ‘Indian’ roads, I’ve learnt that over the time I have evolved and become the Indian idiot driver myself. That’s why in Dubai if you need a driver’s licence, you don’t just pay for it....you have to earn it!!